I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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