You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
