drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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