i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
