just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
