maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
