so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
