So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
only you would photoshop your dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mom said you looked used
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
