your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
