I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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