his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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