Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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