If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
