Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
