you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
