Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
