It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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