So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
