Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
