I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
