That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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