saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
