Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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