You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
