i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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