My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
