I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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