Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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