I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
