we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
