problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
