i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
