If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
