do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
