I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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