so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
