I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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