So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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