smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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