oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
