Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
