we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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