Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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