I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
