Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
