Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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