My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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