I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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