Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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