I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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