i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
